Church and Family, Partner’s in Children’s Faith Formation
By Dean of Women Ruth Lukabyo
Pictured: Ed Drew
Parenting is difficult in our current context. How can parents be effective in forming their children’s faith?
Youthworks recently invited Ed Drew, the popular UK speaker, writer, and director of “Faith in Kids” ministry to speak at our Masterclass and Theology Think Tank.
Ed powerfully described the 21st century context of parenting and the difficulties for parents in passing their faith down to their children. He quoted “Handing Down the Faith” by Smith and Adamczyk who conducted a sociological study of religious parents in the US and how they view their role as parents in their children’s lives.
These writers found that parents believe their central job is to, “Prepare and equip their children not only to enjoy all that is good in life but also to navigate, endure and overcome difficulties in their personal life journeys in the world.”(p.26) Many parents in the US believe that ultimately it is their task to empower their children, to give them agency in the world and to reach their goals. This would mean providing them with as many opportunities as possible, including exploring faith. However, religious faith was just one of the many resources in the child’s formation. Other resources such as a good education, after school sports, musical lessons, and other activities, can help them flourish in their life, be happy and successful.
Interestingly, as parents see their role as nurturing agency and giving them opportunities, there is one area that is off limits. “Parents must never violate their children’s ultimate self-determination nor trigger teenage rebellion.” (p. 26) There are times when the biblical charge to teach our children to fear the Lord, obey the Lord, and love the Lord (Deuteronomy 6) may clash this view of the parents’ responsibility.
There is evidence that in Australia that many parents have the same view. Children’s and youth ministers can find it difficult when a parent chooses to take a child to sport rather than come to church on a Sunday or do debating on a Friday night instead of going to youth group. It is easy to be judgmental: “Don’t’ you want your kids to become Christians?” “Isn’t the gospel the most important thing?”. It may be that the parents believe in the priority of the gospel, but they are simultaneously pulled by the influences of our culture. It is easy for parents to buy into the cultural pressures that tell them that their child needs these other opportunities in their life in order to reach their goals, make their own decisions, and to have the self-confidence and agency to, “Surmount life’s difficulties and come out truer and stronger on the other side.” (p. 26)
Parents can view their church not as a community that will assist them to bring up their children in the training and instruction of the Lord. Instead, parents may see churches, “more like supportive associational resources aiding members in pursuing their authentic life concerns, coping with life, and making good choices.” (p .76)
Ed Drew claims that churches are not primarily there to help children grow in their self-agency, and resilience, but they are to assist parents in the faith formation of their children. This may even lead to persecution and suffering. As Christians who are a minority group we need to talk to our children about our identity as a Christian community, “This is who we are, and this is what we do”. Not just teach them what we are against in our culture but teach them instead: what we are for? What is the better Christian story?
Therefore, parents need to do more than merely model Christian faith to their children. Ed argues, “Parents need not only to ‘walk the walk’ but also regularly to talk with their children about their walk, what it means, why it matters, why they care.” (p.71-72) Children need more than one hour a week at Sunday School or youth group. Families are vital in the faith formation of children that the gospel shapes their whole identity and worldview.
To shape children’s hearts, we need to empower parents in the beautiful responsibility of training up their children to love and serve the Lord. We want our children to know the “better story.” It was fascinating to hear that in the Faith in Kids podcast, the most downloaded episode was on sex and gender. Parents are looking for guidance. https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/faith-in-parents-80-navigating-gender-and-sexuality/id1447148348?i=1000549047349
Parents and ministry leaders should have a look at Faith in Kids resources. There are many resources on their website to help them in the task of faith formation and many are free. There are videos, podcasts, teaching materials and great ideas for family devotions, Sunday School, and Holiday Clubs. Check them out here: https://www.faithinkids.org/resources/. Another wonderful resource is Ed’s recent book: “Raising Confident Kinds in a Confusing World.”
Click here to listen to the whole of Ed Drew’s Think Tank talk on the Youthworks Effective Ministry Podcast.